Letters to Lola

When she found out she was having a little girl, Erin Breeden was scared.

Having a little boy, she thought, would have been easy to get excited about. He’d have his father to look up to, and it would be great. But having a baby girl meant that she, Erin, would be the primary role model. At the time that felt intimidating.

“As women, our experience is very different, and it’s very difficult,” says Erin, 25.

“We are a minority, and there’s a huge glass ceiling — specific expectations of what is acceptable and what isn’t. To think about what girls go through, the thought of raising her was overwhelming.”

She talked to her fiancé and friends. They all reminded her of her own strength and independence. So she began to gain confidence in her ability to raise a strong young woman who could survive in this world.

Erin knows how catty girls and women can be, she’s seen it first-hand. And she wanted something different for her unborn daughter. So she picked up a pen.

“I wrote a letter to her about women’s relationships, the importance of valuing each other and having a safe network of women you can belong to. I wrote about what it means to be a woman,” Erin says.

Now, nearly in her seventh month of pregnancy, Erin has an entire notebook filled with letters to her daughter.

Since Lola isn’t born yet, Erin finds it easier to write candidly about life as a woman. It’s also tricky, because she doesn’t know her daughter or who she will become, yet she wants to write as openly as possible.

She has also invited friends, family members and other women in her and her fiancé’s life to write letters, too. She plans to get them bound and made into a book, Letters for Lola.

“The whole point is to give her different perspectives and share various experiences from all kinds of women — about relationships and the things you go through in life. I think the experience of being a woman is unique, and there is something special to me about a book filled with just the voices of women.”

Erin hopes these letters will help both of them prepare for that day when Lola reaches that inevitable stage of adolescent rebellion. You know, when she’ll think her mother doesn’t know anything.

“I’ve always respected my mom and loved her, but there was a time when I didn’t respect her wisdom,” she says. “I think when you’re an adolescent struggling to figure out who you are and you’re figuring out the world for the first time, it’s confusing. We don’t turn to our parents.

“You think your mom is stupid. She couldn’t possibly understand what you are going through, because in your mind, she has been nothing but a mother her whole life. I’m hoping these letters serve as that kind of resource for Lola. I wish I would have known to access my mother’s thoughts at the time. I know I will be leaning on her quite a bit when figuring out how to navigate raising a girl.”

Jeneé Osterheldt’s column runs in FYI on Tuesday and Saturday.

To reach her, call 816-234-4380 or e-mail josterheldt@kcstar.com