JO Ltd.

Let's do lunch. Some day.

Yeah, right. Most people don’t really mean it. It’s just that Hollywood way of ending a conversation or pretending to have a connection.

I really do mean it, but I have a problem.

I don’t know why, but I just can’t seem to keep a lunch date. I absolutely love good food and good conversation, so it should be the easiest commitment to make. But I run late or get caught up in a meeting, and then the time has to change.

Or something pops up for my lunch partner, and the date has to change. And then it gets put off again and yet again. Eventually I cancel and end up in the cafeteria eating frosted-flake fried chicken with my co-workers.

And get this: I’m the planner in my group of friends. I put together all of the birthday celebrations, holiday events and most group outings. But when it comes to one-on-one dates — things like lunches in particular, I drop the ball.

Last year alone I had a dozen lunch dates that never happened. At least seven people tried to schedule lunch with me just as many times.

Erika, I hope you’re still not waiting on me to enjoy Lidia’s. Beth, I’ll foot the bill next time. And Davin, I swear I wasn’t brushing you off. Ajia, it was you, not me.

Regardless of whose busy schedule kept us from lunch this year, I am working on keeping my word. If I commit to lunch, or anything else, I’m going to do my best to make it happen (and on time).

I used to pick on people who punch dates into their phones and their little date books. It all seemed a little too pretentious for me. I never thought quality time was something you pencil in. But honestly, most of them are just being organized. And I could learn a lot from them.

I’m actually going to start using that engagement calendar on my desk. Last year, well into December, the calendar was stuck open on the month of September. A friend suggested we all use a virtual calendar to punch in our schedules so we could find time to spend together. I didn’t take it seriously. E-vites work just fine for the group gatherings, I thought.

But her idea actually works for personal time — lunch dates, tea time and shopping trips.

So Dara, I give in. I’m all for the group Google Calendar. It’s time I caught up with technology and the art of scheduled quality time. I’ll figure out how to use the iCal on my MacBook.

As I’ve said before, the older we all get, the more life takes over — marriages, mortgages and motherhood. Of course, we need a plan.

I’m blessed to have people in my life who actually want to break bread with me. People kind enough to put up with the way I constantly put it off.

I hope they blame my brain and not my heart. And this year, if we don’t do lunch, you can blame my calendar.

Jeneé Osterheldt’s column runs in FYI on Monday, Wednesday and Saturday. To reach her, call 816-234-4380 or e-mail josterheldt@kcstar.com.

I’m staring out the window watching the snow blanket my neighborhood. I’m in awe over how quickly it transforms my round, Volkswagen Beetle into a stationary snowball.

People who usually take their time walking dogs are hurrying them along today. I’m one of them. Charli wants to slip and slide and play in the white grass, but I’m being whipped around by the wind. So I cut her walk short.

The snow changes everything. It’s like on snow days, we’re different people. Some things move faster. Others, such as traffic, move slower.

It’s such a noticeable difference. I wish all changes in life were so blatant. But they’re not.

Life is a lot of things. It’s challenging, messy, fun and miraculous. But most of all, it’s unexpected. I sometimes forget how quickly the gears shift.

Last year one of my best friends and I were inseparable. People used to say our names as one. This year it seems a fork in the road has taken us so far apart that we’re in a long-distance relationship. Yet, we live in the same city.

When you finally notice the changes, it feels too late to go back. You start to realize all the things you could have done differently.

I should have tried harder to maintain a connection with my friend. And I wish I would have stayed at my co-worker’s birthday party a little longer.

I look back at this past year, and it’s like I’ve been living in slow motion. I’ve been sleeping in late and skipping out on invitations. Over the past few months I’ve fallen off my workout routine and been lame about taking time off to go home.

I try not to take people for granted. But I see that when I skip their lunches or miss a holiday get-together, it takes away from our relationships. Life is not TiVo. I can’t just record the moments I miss and catch up on them later.

So, I’m making changes. It’s happening slowly. I’m learning not to scoff when my friends try to talk me into driving back downtown after I get home from work. I invite people over to my house more often than I used to. And I’m video chatting these days. I used to mock the whole idea, but now when one of my friends wants to talk online and see my face, I don’t put up a fight. Something is better than nothing.

We truly have to make the best of every day we’re blessed to have and the people we share those days with.

The snow is melting, and just like that, everything is recognizable again. My car is no longer a snowball.

Unlike the weather, it’s not that easy to reverse life changes. But it isn’t hard to move forward. It just takes one step.

Jeneé Osterheldt’s column runs in FYI on Monday, Wednesday and Saturday. To reach her, call 816-234-4380 or e-mail josterheldt@kcstar.com.

Lauren Chapin
Just weeks ago I was at Happy Gillis celebrating my co-worker’s 50th birthday. We had margaritas, salsa, chips and more baked goods than I can remember. I wouldn’t expect less from a foodie like her.
Now I have to think about Lauren Chapin in a different way. After her unexpected and untimely death this week from an aneurysm, what I have is memories to keep her alive in my heart.

This is the woman, the newspaper’s restaurant critic, who broke all the rules of my diet. When I first moved here, I didn’t eat beef or pork and I didn’t drink much, either. But she had a sort of don’t-ask, just-taste thing she did with me. Over the years she’d gotten me to try things I never would have on my own: foie gras, chorizo and the richest of truffles.

Our lunches and dinners weren’t just about trying new food. It was also girl-talk time. She had a knack for knowing when something was wrong.

Maybe it’s because as a mom she was always so insightful. But she could look right past my smile and into my eyes and just know when I had a problem. When I went through the hardest break-up I’d ever endured, she saw right through my Little Miss Independent front.

We sorted it all out over fries, sandwiches, a salad and almost every dessert the Mixx offers. I could tell her anything, and she never judged me. She assured me that these growing pains would pass.

When it came from someone as confident and bold as she, you had no choice but to believe it to be true and cheer up. She taught me how to really enjoy a meal, to have a go at Champagne and scallops. The bubbles weren’t just for special occasions, in her book.

Her sense of adventure didn’t stop with food. The first time I walked through a corn maze was with her and her family. She laughed when the sun set and I got a little scared. The first time I threw caution to the wind and got on a trampoline was with her kids. They almost bounced me off that big thing. And she caught it all on camera.

I was just glad no one had any pictures of us from that Friday night four years ago. I got unbelievably drunk for the first time. I don’t know how it happened. I just know it involved a few baskets of pomme frites, mussels, lots of chocolate martinis and the sweetest wine I ever tasted. I haven’t messed with wine since.

Every time somebody brought it up, we’d burst out laughing.

When I was looking for things to accomplish before I turned 30, I knew I had to ask her. She suggested two things: traveling overseas and skinny-dipping. In fact, she was shocked I hadn’t done the latter by now. She also reminded me not to worry about what didn’t happen before 30, because I would have a whole other list to make of things to do before I turned 50.

I was reading a story the other day in TheNew York Times about office families. Most Americans spend just as much time with their co-workers as their families. Offices frequently reflect a family vibe.

Mine is no different. In my department, there’s the office mom, the dad, aunties, sibling rivalries and a crazy uncle or two. And Lauren, a fearless, genuine and wild woman, remains my office sister.

I don’t know if changing someone’s life for the better was on her list of things to do before she turned 50. But she did. And for that, I will always be thankful.

Jeneé Osterheldt’s column runs in FYI on Monday, Wednesday and Saturday. To reach her, call 816-234-4380 or send e-mail to josterheldt@kcstar.com.

Michael Reed's current book club pick
When Michael Reed moved back to Missouri five years ago, it was hard to get out and meet people.

He hadn’t lived in Kansas City in more than 25 years. In fact, he’d become a New Yorker, used to big-city living. But after his wife passed, his sons urged him to buy their grandparents house in Clinton, Mo., and be a little closer to family.

The 59-year-old loves the quiet solace the small town offers, but it’s not exactly a social hotspot.

Luckily, a few months after moving there, some old friends from his adolescent days at Bishop Miege High School urged him to join their book club. He and his late wife were avid readers and always discussed their books together, so the idea of a sharing a book with a group of people appealed to him.

“There aren’t many opportunities for adults who don’t like to hang out in bars to meet intelligent people to have a discourse with,” Michael says. “You don’t have to dress up or spend a lot of money. It’s great for people who want to put a bit more than the social in their interaction.”

He enjoys the discussions so much that he makes the 160-mile round trip every month to meet with his fellow bookies, always at 7 p.m. on a Tuesday.

“It’s gratifying,” he says of the club. “We think there might be just one interpretation of something, but hearing from people with diverse backgrounds and views opens your mind to diverse interpretations. You might see a character as shallow while someone else might see something deeper, and it allows you to re-examine your own conceptions.

“Seeing something through someone else’s eyes is stimulating. It’s one of those experiences that makes life a little more pleasant for having it there. During these tough economic times, simple pleasures are becoming more important.”

It’s not like Oprah’s Book Club, he insists. It’s very casual, and they don’t even have an official name. And sure it might be a bit hard on his gas tank, but his book club has its perks. He meets friends and reads books for free.

Their selections come from the Johnson County Library’s Book Club to Go Kits. The library offers more than 150 titles, and each kit includes 10-15 copies of the book. Audio and large-print editions are also available.

Michael says it makes things easier for everyone in the club. They don’t have to worry about finding the book on their own (his library didn’t have Vladimir Nabokov’s Lolita) or buying anything. And on occasion they even watch a movie to accompany the book, such as Girl, Interrupted or their current book, Atonement, by Ian McEwan.

And often you can get both from the library. The library, he says, seems like such an underutilized resource.

“The programs at the libraries in Johnson County and Kansas City offer wonderful opportunities for intellectual stimulation and social interaction, and you can’t beat free. You can rent a movie for one night and pay $4.99, or check out a book for free and have company for a whole week.

“It’s nice to curl up on a snow night with a book and put some good music on. We have become so visual that we have forgotten the pleasure of absorbing a well-written line.”

So the next time you find yourself bored and itching to get out the house, put down the remote, go to the library and get lost in a book.

Jeneé Osterheldt’s column runs in FYI on Monday, Wednesday and Saturday. To reach her, call 816-234-4380 or e-mail josterheldt@kcstar.com.

Mitzi and Me

I don’t get to see my sister often. So once a year, usually right after Thanksgiving, we have “Sister Day.”

It’s just us. We’ve roller-skated, ice-skated and even built a bear. Honestly, it’s my favorite holiday.

I’ve always been able to count on her and trust her. On Sister Day, we tell each other secrets. We share funny stories and completely dork out. We read the same books and watch a lot of the same TV shows. We both have good, awkward laughs. We’re sisters through and through — but we don’t look like it.

And people never let me forget it. Year after year, no matter how much fun we have, someone always comes along on Sister Day and doesn’t get it.

They see that pretty, freckled-faced white girl with the Southern drawl next to me, a city girl, light-brown skin and big brown eyes. They don’t register us as family. They think we must be friends, sorority sisters or something like that. And they don’t mind asking.

This year we went to the movies to see “Twilight” and then to the spa. While in the waiting area, the owner offered us something to drink and asked us a few questions.

He wanted to know where we were from. She’s from North Carolina. I’m from Virginia. My sister told him that Sister Day was an annual event and we did something special every year.

He checked us in, Mitzi Osterheldt and Jeneé Osterheldt. We were both getting a massage, a manicure and a pedicure. And then, he asked how we knew each other.

Forget that we share the same clunky German last name. So what that she already told him it was Sister Day. Like so many others before him, he just didn’t understand it. So did you go to college together?

My sister, like always, corrected him. She proudly tells people I am her sister.

I, like always, was hurt.

I’ve been dealing with this my whole biracial life, so I should be immune to ignorance. I mean, no one thought the olive-skinned lady with the hazel eyes was my mother when I was a kid. In middle school, a rumor started that I was adopted. I know I shouldn’t care, but I do.

In these moments I’m always reminded of just how different I am. At my mother’s house, when she introduced my sister and me to all of her friends, I could see the look in their faces when they glanced from my mother to my sister to me. They scan our faces for the resemblance.

I want to wear a shirt that says, “Yes, we have different dads.”

I know I don’t have their hazel, sleepy eyes. I don’t share their thin lips or curves. And most obvious, I’m not white.

But I am her sister. And yes, that little, short white lady is my mother. And I shouldn’t have to explain that.

Jeneé Osterheldt’s column runs in FYI on Monday, Wednesday and Saturday. To reach her, call 816-234-4380 or send e-mail to josterheldt@kcstar.com.

Janette Crawford
Black Friday,” coming up in a few days, is traditionally the biggest shopping day of the year.

And this year prices are expected to be more aggressive than ever, thanks to hard economic times. Many shopping areas like Zona Rosa and Osage Beach Premium Outlets are trying to entice customers by opening at midnight on Thanksgiving, doing free giveaways and offering rest stops during the busy day.

Fashionistas have long looked forward to the day as the most fabulous Friday of the year, but there’s a new movement in the world of style: Less is more.

“That’s the crux of socially responsible fashion,” says Janette Crawford, the Kansas City fashionista behind Fashion Loves People (fashionlovespeople.com). “Buy only items you really love. Buy for quality rather than quantity.”

Janette is giving up high-fashion gifts for homemade treats this holiday season. It’s part of her effort to consume less.

Adbusters.org created Buy Nothing Day — the anti-Black Friday to end consumerism and save the planet. They want people to buy absolutely nothing on that day. But for many people, it could be the only day they can afford to shop this year.

The National Retail Federation says that about 72 percent of Americans have completed less than 10 percent of their holiday shopping. The belief is we’re all holding out for the best bargains.

So what do we do? It is important to think about our natural resources and consume less, but we have to wonder how we do that and stimulate our desperate economy, too.

We must learn to become recessionistas.

A girl can still buy gifts. But you have to be smart about it. If your favorite store is slashing prices, go for it.

Sign up to be on mailing lists so you can get the dish on discounts. If the rumors swirling about a $99 iPhone turn out to be true, I know I’ll be in line.

But don’t buy up the mall just because it’s Black Friday and you have a coupon. And don’t spend what you can’t afford. Put some serious thought into your gift lists and everything you buy. Consumer waste comes from overindulging and tons of product packaging. So keep that in mind when you shop.

It’s all about editing, says Janette, who believes in supporting “corporations with a conscience.”

“I used to be all about ‘fast fashion,’ ” she says, “but then I started learning about global human trafficking and asking myself, ‘Do I know where these products are coming from?’

“The garment industry is not the worst offender of human trafficking, and many multinational corporations do improve the living conditions and local economies of many of their employees. But the industry is so opaque. It’s hard to find who you can trust. So I do my best to only buy used or vintage and from companies that are transparent about their labor and environmental policies.”

Get online and do some research on the places you shop. Invest in some reusable shopping bags. Ditch the fancy wrapping paper and put away the credit card.

Give some serious thought to the gifts you buy. Keep in mind that holidays aren’t about spending money. It’s about spending thought and time on the people you love.

To reach Jeneé Osterheldt, call 816-234-4380 or e-mail josterheldt@kcstar.com.

Twilight Fan Club at Sunnyside Elementary
For months it’s all any fan of Stephenie Meyer has been talking about — the vampire love story leaves the pages of her books and hits the big screen.

“Twilight,” the movie, opened this weekend, and fanpires of all ages are flocking to theaters in T-shirts, costumes and eyes transformed by creepy yellow contacts.

The wait, for many, is finally over.

My sister and I are holding off for a few days. We’re waiting to see it together. Since she’s the one who introduced me to the series, we agreed to pass over all the fang festivities and watch it on Thanksgiving when I get to North Carolina.

And that means missing out on a string of vampire-themed events.

Midnight showings sold out quickly all over the country, and bookstores, such as Borders, started hosting parties last weekend. Teenagers are dressing up like their favorite characters, and some are re-creating scenes from the book.

Not since Harry Potter has there been a book (and a movie) with so much buzz.

Jo Spear didn’t understand what all the fuss was about before she got her first taste of Meyer’s series last year. She and her co-workers often read books together, but she wasn’t buying into the business of vampires.

“I thought I was too old for it. I’m in my 50s,” says Jo, a third-grade teacher at Sunnyside Elementary School in Olathe. “But a co-worker suggested I read the book, and she was right. I liked it. We all started reading them. About 15 of us passed around four books.”

At least a dozen of them, ages 25 to 55, signed on to see the movie together. The teachers lounge transformed into a vampire cave for Halloween — complete with a poster and vampire teeth.

On Friday they planned to rock matching “Twilight” hoodies to the opening and have an after party with vampire wine and fang-themed gift bags.

“It’s one of those books that come along once in a while and span the whole age range,” Jo says. “It brings people together. If you are a teenager you might read it and think it’s romantic. But if you are an older person like me, you remember what it’s like to be in love for the first time.

“Good literature is good literature, and the writing is very much like the classics — Jane Eyre, Pride and Prejudice and ‘Romeo and Juliet.’ People connect to them and want to share it with someone. You don’t want the experience to end.”

Once she and her friends have seen the movie, they are wondering the same thing — what next?

Meanwhile, my sister and I are still counting down the days.

Jeneé Osterheldt’s column runs in FYI on Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday. To reach her, call 816-234-4380 or e-mail josterheldt@kcstar.com.

Tiffany Tokarz
Ever since high school, Tiffany Tokarz has been the girl all her friends count on.

Whether it’s for a helping hand, a nonjudgmental ear or a silly laugh, she’s the reliable one. She wasn’t just a cheerleader on the field. It was her nature to root for everyone to do their best all the time.

But it wasn’t until she started to fall out with her friends — over a boy — that she started to realize the importance of pulling out the pompoms for your own life.

After years of the on-again, off-again beat that most high school relationships endure, Tiffany’s friends and family thought it was time for her to move on. Tiffany hung on despite their advice.

“I felt like I was supposed to be with this man even when everyone else thought I shouldn’t,” she says. “I prayed, asked for guidance, and I learned to follow that compass within.”

Four years ago she married him. And everyone who thought he was the wrong choice for her came to see she was right. Now they stand by her side.

Not only did Tiffany realize the value of championing your own life, she wanted to share that wisdom with other people.

Her whole life she’d been supporting her friends, pushing them to the next level. She taught yoga, kickboxing and weight management to feed her need to motivate. But she’d never thought about making it her life’s work. She’d gone into the banking business — and even there, she’d started a wellness program.

Two years ago she took a leap of faith and followed her intuition. After enrolling in Coach U, a training program, she became a personal and professional development coach. A cheerleader in the game of life, that is.

“I wanted people to be able to decide what their life would look like from the inside out instead of the other way around,” says Tiffany, 31. “I want to show them how to listen to themselves rather than have someone tell them how to live.”

She also started writing a book, Live Richly by Design, about living a more meaningful life and the power of faith.

When a Christian editor told her the book stunk and doubted whether Tiffany even understood Christianity, her spirit was broken. But her friends and family kept encouraging her.

Two of those friends worked with her husband. One night last year the two men died in a car crash, and Tiffany pulled her manuscript back out.

She endeavored to publish the book herself, made it happen earlier this year and dedicated it to the two “angels,” Manny and Jeff, who she says gave her book wings. It’s available at Amazon.com.

It is her belief that through difficult times, we must learn to step out on faith and push forward.

Through her hot-and-cold love with her high school sweetheart, a lifetime commitment was born. Through rejection, she pushed forward and finished a book. She wants people to learn to turn their downfalls into victories.

“We must fuel our fire during these difficult times,” she says. “People are losing their jobs, the economy is hard, and we just got a new president. Times are changing; there is a lot going on.

“We have to learn to control what is going on internally and march forth. Even when external factors are out of our control, we have to continue on with hope.”

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Talk the talk
For a good time, join Jeneé’s online community at jspace.kansascity.com.

Jeneé Osterheldt’s column runs in FYI on Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday. To reach her, call 816-234-4380 or e-mail josterheldt@kcstar.com.

Ugly Betty is beautiful.

Something I heard the other night stuck with me.

In a heart-breaking moment one of my favorite TV characters said, “I should have known when he said I was beautiful, he was talking about on the inside.”

Three seasons in, and I forget that “Ugly Betty” is supposed to be, well, ugly.

Yes, in many circles, especially that of her mean office rival, Wilhelmina Slater, Betty is considered a fashion victim. And her braces are bigger than modern metals. But when Betty smiles that huge metallic grin, it’s sincere. She lends a helping hand to friends and foes alike. She has the confidence to put on whatever she wants and wear it with pride.

Betty has all the things you learn in kindergarten about being a decent human being — kindness, honesty, humility. If that makes her ugly, then we could all stand to be a little uglier.

Justin Timberlake may have brought sexy back, but thanks to Betty, ugly is in.

According to a recent article in the New York Times, ugly is taking some of beauty’s spotlight.

“Shrek” is going to Broadway, the green witch in “Wicked” gets the guy and WALL-E, the archaic and technologically rusty robot, stole the hearts of millions.

Much as Tyra Banks caused the world to stop and think about what fat really is, America Ferrera’s Emmy-Award winning portrayal of Betty Suarez is doing the same for the ugly, geeky and otherwise unappealing.

“I don’t see her as ugly at all,” says Beth Guinta, 25, a Kansas City fashion designer. “You can buy beauty so regularly now that there are too many perfect-looking people out there. It is more attractive to see a real human with spirit. They are the ones who stand out now.”

Beth says Betty may have catapulted the “ugly” trend, but she thinks reality television is playing a part in our national embrace of regular-looking people.

“When you turn on reality shows, you see real people,” she says. “It’s everyday people, people you could be or know, instead of the Tom Cruises of the world, and you start to see the beauty in that.”

Sure, Halle Berry and Heidi Klum still will go recognized as among the most beautiful women on the planet. Ditto for their male counterparts (Denzel Washington, say, and Brad Pitt).

But the chiseled, Hollywood heart throbs have to make room for the lovable, lanky and dorky characters played by the likes of America Ferrera and Michael Cera.

People are seeing that beauty is bigger than size, shape and color. It goes well beyond the perfect nose, whitest teeth, sculpted abs and latest fashion trends.

And as beauty starts to be redefined, many will see that ugly is an entirely different monster — something hateful and hideous from within the perfect-looking Wilhelmina Slaters of the world.

Jeneé Osterheldt’s column runs in FYI on Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday. To reach her, call 816-234-4380 or e-mail josterheldt @kcstar.com.

Rachelle Herod

Most people who sit on the couch channel surfing are looking for something to watch. When Rachelle Herod does it, she’s paying attention to hair.

Click. Home Shopping Network. A woman with a pixie cut catches her eye.

Click. An actress from the 1940s with glamorous finger waves gives her a few ideas.

Some people collect baseball cards and sneakers, but Rachelle collects hairstyles. She has had so many, she can’t even count them: an asymmetrical haircut, a Bettie Page wig, a wine red faux hawk, golden microbraids.

“Hair is an extension of your personality,” says Rachelle, 25, a senior studying hospitality management at Johnson County Community College.

“If you feel like being prim and proper, you can straighten it and do something pretty. If you want to be edgy, you can dye it and cut it, do something outlandish. It’s about how you feel. I like having the freedom to change it up.”

As a little girl, Rachelle had no control over her corkscrew curls. Her mother, who is Puerto Rican and Hawaiian, couldn’t do much with it. So her dad, who is African-American, often gave her the old lopsided Pippi Longstocking pigtails.

It wasn’t until the seventh grade that she took matters into her own hands. She chopped off her long hair into a short, in-your-face, bob. She learned then just how much fun it was to change up her look.

Rebellion appealed to her then, and it still does.

“Parents make a big deal about appearances and society judges you by it, but it’s your hair. If you are going to judge me by it, I don’t care.”

Sometimes her mood will inspire a transformation.

A boyfriend who prefers brunettes and breaks her heart? She’ll go blond.

Feeling like a diva, she’ll rock a cascading weave with a dress to kill.

Right now, she’s sporting curls the color of honey.

She’s been a blonde, a redhead and a brunette. And although her hair is naturally darker, she says blondes do tend to have more fun.

Because she has so many looks, people often refer to her as Barbie.

But through all her styles, she remains true to who she is — sassy, sensitive, carefree, sweet and bold. She says allowing her hair to reflect all those sides of herself gives her confidence.

Some women are reluctant to experiment with their look, but Rachelle says hair is the ultimate accessory to do with what you like.

“I think women are kind of afraid to make that statement with their hair — they are scared to be the one to stand out in a crowd. But I don’t want to blend into the background.”

Why should anyone?

Jeneé Osterheldt’s column runs in FYI on Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday. To reach her, call 816-234-4380 or send e-mail to josterheldt@kcstar.com.